The day after Christmas or just about any holiday of significance brings with it many little curious events and things. Today I discovered I hate potatoes orgroton. I think my colon is now rotten with the ogroton but, they are delicious, do not get me wrong but, they are a bitch to clean out of dishes and, the pot is even worse to clean. It gets all gooey and nasty over night, and sticks to the inside of a pot like gorilla glue and camel gizz. The next days clean up after a holiday is the part that sucks but, if your luck to have good company like I did it is not that bad. Though it has taken a good portion of my day, it could have been far worse.
The other thing I notice about major holidays are the sales. It seems they say there are huge sales happening before the holidays but, in truth you save more money buying after the major holiday is over. What is that about? I mean why not just give you the best deal before the holidays when your all excited about buying stuff. It’s like here is a partial deal but, if you wait till after the holiday you will get an even bigger deal! In all seriousness I think I am going to become the late gift giver, there is nothing wrong in giving a late gift is there?
Women tend to be all excited about the sales, coupons, and after holiday sales events, that they plan out their shopping trips as if they are tank battalion commanders. They get all ready, they even set aside extra special shopping outfits. Usually loose fitting clothing, like a comfy sweat suit or, a pair of old jeans and their favorite college sweat shirt pull over. Of course there is always a slight hint of style, like a pair of gold hoop earrings, or a simple gold necklace. Why? cause it shows they can afford the next level of shopping, though they are dressed down. They have to let you know they have funds and are here to spend.
The worse type of after holiday shopper is, the returner. Ahh yes, this beast of burden has come to return a gift they have deemed not good enough and will use the store credit to buy something they truly will like or, ten of them. These are not hard to spot they usually either rush the the cashier to get their return status in order or, they shop around first to pick out what they are going to get with their store credit. Also these returners, are usually and sadly a little nasty. Why? because it is huge burden to them to have to return the gift you gave them. Like how dare you get me something I didn’t like! Even though when you asked them what they wanted they said some bullshit line like “Oh hun, anything will do and make me happy.” These selfish asses, always return what you give them for something they truly wanted, even though you could have gotten it right, if they had just been honest and not set themselves up to look like a victim and you like an inconsiderate asshole. This all could have been avoided if they had just told you what they wanted, instead, now no one is happy and she is at the store driving the poor cashier crazy. Sigh!
The one cool thing I am enjoying the after holiday weekend is, free premium channels on cable. Catching up on my movie watching is relaxing after a long hard day of cleaning up the holiday mess. Also watching movies I haven’t seen in a long while is cool too. There is nothing more relaxing then giggling to myself watching Sean Connery in the Rock. That geriatric Ninja Connery will never be too old it seems, to kick major ass! I also got to watch Jerry McGuire with psychotic Scientologist Tom Cruise. If I never hear the quan again, I will probably live a much longer and happier life.
So in closing, enjoy your after holiday glow, enjoy the left overs cause they are the best part! Enjoy the silence in your home men, while the ladies are out shopping. Unless you are one of those poor guys that’s being used as a shopping bag tree at a mall. If you’re one of those guys sitting with other men on the rotunda couch in the middle of the mall, holding shopping bags. I am sorry, you chose her though, so deal with it. You should have been a strong enough personality and said no, or lied about having to do something else, anything else to spare yourself ignominy of being sat down like a mentally handicapped chimp.
Till next time, Have a great weekend folks!
Mark Anthony Ramirez
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